There's a lot they don't explain in AA. They tell you to "stick with the winners" and "make sure you become one of the winners." But they don't say exactly who or what a winner is, in AA terms. They just sort of leave you to work it out.
Well, I've been wondering about it and what I'm wondering is this. Does not having a slip, keeping off the sauce for several years, and staying around the AA meetings make someone a winner? The reason I'm asking is because this means there are thousands and thousands of winners in AA, and as I take a look around it all gets pretty confusing. The reason it gets confusing is because there are so many different kinds of "winners" and I don't see how I can "stick with" and "become like" the whole of them. At least that's how it looks, and I'm not really sure if I've got this "winner" thing right.
For instance, a lot of members go on about the terrific changes in their lives since they've been sober. And the changes they go on about are their good jobs and all the compliments they get, and the big paychecks and nice houses and maybe even the new car and frequent vacations. And they talk about it all being due to AA and sobriety. They must be right, and it makes sobriety sound great so I suppose these AA members are considered to be very good "winners." But what I can't help wondering is this. How would they be making out with the program and sobriety if they lost their health and couldn't work or got landed with some other big thing that really put the gravy train into a siding? I mean, it's easy to smile when you've got plenty to smile about materially. So is it really the people who've got it all going for them who are the real winners?
Or are the winners the ones who are going like fury at the meetings? You know about five or more a week--here, there, and everywhere and getting home late? I know that every once in a while a lot of people need as many meetings as that, and I know too that it's the ones with years of sobriety who've got the most to give, as they say. And maybe it's right that the ones whose faces seem to be at ten meetings at once are real winners. But would they still be winners if they had to stay home with two broken legs? Are they as good at working the program as they are at talking and sharing about it? The reason I'm wondering is because a fellow mentioned the other night that "anyone can stay sober at an AA meeting--it's the time in between that sorts you out."
Then what about the kind of winner who's going hammer and nails to get onto the committee circuit and into the AA limelight? It's true that we've got to have someone doing the chores but is it also true that we're supposed not really to be "organized as such," and what we're actually supposed to have is "trusted servants" who serve the fellowship and know the spiritual meaning of "rotation." But at the same time it's also possible to get yourself a lot of prestige and importance if you're absolutely determined to serve rather than just being willing if able and asked.
One of the co-founders of AA spelled something out in writing and I came upon it last week, and what he said was this. "In as large an organization as ours, we have our share of schemers for personal gain, petty swindlers, and confidence men." Now I wouldn't argue with what he said because the man was speaking straight truth. But the only thing I'm wondering about is that schemers, swindlers, and confidence men sometimes stay off the sauce for years and stay around the meetings. So are they winners? I mean, what about the people who cadged and conned and lied and cheated and generally wiped their dirty feet on anyone in sight on their way "up" in sobriety and now sit with a well-oiled bank balance, talking pearly words about the Program? Am I really supposed to stick with and become like this kind of winner?
As I said, I've been looking around and I've been wondering about this "winner" thing. I don't think you can ever possibly become a winner unless you do stay continuously sober, but that still leaves a terrific amount of room for variety and I think I've found the sort of winners I want to stick with. The funny thing is they don't actually hit you in the face as big successes in sobriety. They haven't gone zooming up in the world and they're not big cheeses and somehow they don't very often get elected on to the big high-up committees or asked to speak on the circuit.
It's a bit hard to say just what it is about them that makes them the kind of winners I want to stick with, but in a strange way it's because they're a lot more likely to think of themselves sometimes as losers compared to the "winners." A lot of them seem to have had things like losing jobs and shaky health and terrible disappointments and depressions, all in sobriety. They're stayed sober and tried to learn something from all these negative experiences, and they also seem to laugh a lot of the time. They sit just any old where at the meetings, but you get a nice feeling that something sort of special has happened to them. Once in a while they take the lead at a meeting, if they are asked, but you know that they're just as happy helping with the chairs at the end of the meeting. They do their Twelve Step work when they get the opportunity but they don't tell the whole of AA they're doing it. They do their stint as a "trusted servant" too when it's their turn and they manage to stay sort of anonymous about it, like weeding a garden.
What makes them the kind of winners I want to stick with is that they're not quite like all the other kinds of winners I've mentioned. They haven't got the big success story, money or job wise; they've had to survive spells when they couldn't go to meetings and couldn't be in the swim of things; they're got nothing big going for them in the way of prestige--and still they're stayed sober without cheating themselves or other people.
I'll tell you what it comes down to. They are the sober, living spirit of this AA fellowship as I understand it. And, if they look like loser's to you, that's okay by me--just so long as you leave me with them.
from: Stepping Stones To Recovery by Bill Pittman, pages 117-120