THOUGHTS OF A MAN WHO CONSIDERS
THE PRICE OF A DRINK TO HIGH:
"I've been thinking of all it would cost me if I took a drink today. I find that the longer I go without a drink, the greater the cost of one drink would be.
If I take a drink today, I'll get into my room at the Y.M.C.A. some time after the bars close tonight, fairly drunk, because I won't take just one drink. And about seven tomorrow I'll get up, feeling rotten and wanting a drink.
After the drink and cup a coffee, I'll go to work, feeling guilty and nervous and with a foggy brain. I'll probably struggle through the day, but certainly no later than five P.M., and then I'll head for a bar--if I take a drink today.
The next night I'll be so drunk that I'll be afraid to go into the Y.M.C.A. (I almost got kicked out of there before), so when the bars close I'll end up in a high-priced room in a hotel. On the third of fourth day, I'll still be at the hotel, paying exorbitant prices for things I don't need. The bellboy on the way up to my room with a drink will meet another on the way down with empty classes. For as long as the money holds out, the drinks will keep coming--if I take a drink today.
By this time, I'll be very nervous and concerned about avoiding people I know. Things will run along like this for several days, until the supply of dollars I have in my pocket now will have dwindled to only a few. Those of you whom I may have met and who might have tried to pull me out of it, will have given up and I will be entirely alone. My wife, from the absence of mail from me, will know what has happened and all the confidence she has built up in me these past several months will be gone--if I take a drink today.
Realization of these things will only cause me to drink more and faster and within a couple of weeks after that first drink, I'll have moved to cheaper quarters and soon my funds will all be gone and I'll start borrowing--ten here, five there at first, then two here at first, and then two and one, until I can't borrow any more--if I take a drink today.
Then I'll begin sneaking into the Y.M.C.A. to get things to pawn, first my radio, which I enjoy so much and which I had a hell of a time getting out last time, then one suit and then another, until there is nothing left but what I have on my--if I take a drink today.
From here on, it is hard to predict just what will happen. I may get a job in a restaurant, or I may go back to my old job at a reduced salary. Or I many have a commitment to Kalamazoo hanging over my head, or be in jail for 30,60 or 90 days--if I take a drink today.
But at the very best, I can only be back at work under reduced earnings and restrictions. I doubt that I'll have my room at the Y.M.C.A. I'll have all those debts to pay back, including a doctor's bill. What clothes I have left will be too large, for the fifteen pounds I have gained in the past few months will have been consumed in alcohol. All those whom I can now call friends will be skeptical at best and with very good reason to be--if I take a drink today.
However, regardless of what kind of recovery I might make, with the things I absolutely know it will cost me--the price is just too great. I know it will cost me every dollar I have now and what I can borrow, in addition to loss of income. I know I'll suffer the pangs of hell, wherever I am, both mentally and physically. I know I'll lose the respect and encouragement of my wife and my employers and associates will speak and think of me in terms of doubt--if I take a drink today.
Since I've been sober, a lot of good things have happened to me which would not have happened if I had taken a drink. My wife has spent a grand two weeks' vacation with me--the first time we've been together for six years. My brother and his wife have been here to visit me--the first time in nine years. And I've had a week's vacation with pay at the boss's cottage with my wife.
I've seen several good ball games, a couple of circuses and numerous other things I enjoy, none of which would have happened--if I took a drink. My wife is ready to come to Grand Rapids and make a home for me any time it can be arranged and the future in general looks brighter for me than in many years.
So you see, the price of a drink does get greater with the passing of each day of sobriety. I don't know how nearly parallel my case may run with any of yours, but certainly close enough so that none of you can afford to pay the price of a dirk today, if you are an alcoholic.
If you are an alcoholic, take a tip from one who is, you can't take a drink today and more than I can, without getting drunk and into trouble. So, summing it all up and adding it backwards and forward, the answer is the same--the price of is just too great if I take a drink today."
from 7 Points of Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 55-58, by Richmond Walker, author of 24-Hours A Day